life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
