You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
