i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish you could order shots online.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
