Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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