FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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