2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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