I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
