That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
