How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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