The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
