Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
