i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
