it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
