I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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