what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
