So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
