Sry I called you an 8
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
