No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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