You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
