fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
