omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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