yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
