This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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