I heard we made out
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
