I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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