never play flip cup with pint glasses
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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