if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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