Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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