3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
