and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
