I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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