the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
