I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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