My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
