Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
