Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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