I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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