C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
