Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
