Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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