I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How's work?
Spinning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
