This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
