Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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