is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so much tequila, so little girl.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
