Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
