You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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