even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
