he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
