I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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