my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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