i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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