At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
