the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
