i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
