I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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