Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
