Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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