Someone shit on the floor
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i think my cat just said my name.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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