i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
